Hollywood! Movies! There’s no other place where:
- If the hero starts dancing, suddenly, everybody around knows the steps and dance with them.
- Any car hit by a bullet immediately explodes in a cloud of flames, a mere rivulet of oil turns into a fire ball.
- An ugly girl only has to remove her glasses and untie her hair to transform herself into an iridescent beauty queen.
- If you look languorously into the eyes of a woman, music always starts to play (even if there is no stereo in the room). Ain’t it handy?
- In car pursuits, you only have to zip through crossroads for all others to halt in tire shrieks. No need to check the traffic lights…
- In car pursuits, you just need to speed up to fly over wide gaping spaces (gravity seems nullified provided that you can push the pedal hard enough!)
- The first truncheon hit systematically sends the bad guy either to sleep or flying through the room like a ball on a pool table.
- The hero will only yield to baddies after dozens of hits by a large group of hulking champion weight-lifters.
- All computers are fifteen years ahead of current technology and blinkingly beautiful (no dull grey boxes, but nice blinking lights or impressive 3D graphics interface).
- Baddies are always easy to recognize in a crowd. They are ugly, dirty and grimacing (if not with a scar on the face). Why doesn’t the police use this kind of clue in movies while the same kind of profiling is used routinely in our streets?
- When the hero enters an unknown derelict space ship, he has no difficulty finding and operating the door lock, the ship’s controls and the hyper-space radio.
- When we see a distant explosion on screen, the sound is never late (is speed of sound as fast as speed of light in movies?).
- Radio-activity makes objects glow in the dark (it’s useful since we wouldn’t see it – Many scientists including Pierre and Marie Curie would have wanted to know that they just had to switch off the light in their laboratories!)
- In the void of empty space, sounds are deafening: Shrieking spaceship rockets can be heard from the other end of the galaxy despite the total lack of atmosphere to transmit it.
- A detective cannot solve a case before he has been suspended for insubordination
- Even when the road is straight, if you drive a car, you must continuously swing the wheel right and left
- The wounds of the hero will not make him even wince, except when a gorgeous woman is trying to clean them
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